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Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Expectations vs Instinct
Today I learned an important lesson about following other peoples expectations versus listening to your own instincts. I took Claire to morning day care for the third time. This time I warned her mom would be leaving before we got there. (Ok.. not the brightest idea... but for most things warning about change helps her handle it.) I got there and told her I was living and she clung to me chanting "Only Mommy". So I sat down for about 15 minutes so she could get used to things again. It took most of the time for her to just leave my lap. I told her I was leaving again and she got more upset and clung more. Finally I asked the daycare worker what to do and she said Claire would calm down once I left. Now, seeing this particular set of wailing I had my doubts but maybe the professional new better than me. (I'm sure she does for most kids... but I should remember that I'm the expert on mine.) So I pried Claire off of me, handed her to the worker and walked out the door to hysterical hysterical screaming of "Mommy mommy mommy". Every instinct of my being said turn around but I heard this parade of voices in my head going, "What, you can't leave your kid alone for 2 hours? Don't be a wimp. She'll adjust. Look at all the other kids who are fine. It's only 2 hours." I'm not sure who those voices where since no one was actually saying it to me but I felt like that's what everyone was thinking. So I left.
I got home (just 5 minutes away) burst into tears and told my husband what happened and how I think I shouldn't have left. Being the worlds most practical person he gave me a hug, goes "Listen to your gut and not what you think you 'Should' do. Go get her if you think it's a problem." So back I went. Into the building and sure enough, guess who I hear wailing. :( They said she'd stop but every little thing would set her off again. At this point I remembered that she woke up screaming. That she's teething. That she's been having trouble dealing with weaning. That there were times the past few days that she wouldn't even let daddy touch her and she LOVES daddy! That maybe just maybe my gut was right. That now wasn't the time to make a stand. That I should follow what my husband and I have always tried to do and listen to her and her needs and say thank you that we are in a place in our life where we can.
I spent most of the next 30 minutes playing with her at the daycare to undo the damage. When she was happily playing I left for about 20 minutes and came back but she was already upset again. Right now I'm not sure if it's because she's having a bad day or because daycare isn't working as well as it looked last week. I'll try again Thursday but this time I'm listening to my gut.
Oh, and on that subject I also had a talk with all the imaginary voices that were making me hold my ground on weaning nursing at nap time. Despite the fact we've been over a week with only one nap (where she collapsed from exhaustion) because of the change. She wasn't angry at nap time... at least not after the extra extra prenap rocking and soothing... just not napping. So I've decided to slow the weaning thing down a little and nursed for this nap. And wouldn't you know it... she's actually napping. Which is a good break for both of us. Hey, maybe I do know something about this mommy stuff after all. I just need to remember to listen to myself.
I got home (just 5 minutes away) burst into tears and told my husband what happened and how I think I shouldn't have left. Being the worlds most practical person he gave me a hug, goes "Listen to your gut and not what you think you 'Should' do. Go get her if you think it's a problem." So back I went. Into the building and sure enough, guess who I hear wailing. :( They said she'd stop but every little thing would set her off again. At this point I remembered that she woke up screaming. That she's teething. That she's been having trouble dealing with weaning. That there were times the past few days that she wouldn't even let daddy touch her and she LOVES daddy! That maybe just maybe my gut was right. That now wasn't the time to make a stand. That I should follow what my husband and I have always tried to do and listen to her and her needs and say thank you that we are in a place in our life where we can.
I spent most of the next 30 minutes playing with her at the daycare to undo the damage. When she was happily playing I left for about 20 minutes and came back but she was already upset again. Right now I'm not sure if it's because she's having a bad day or because daycare isn't working as well as it looked last week. I'll try again Thursday but this time I'm listening to my gut.
Oh, and on that subject I also had a talk with all the imaginary voices that were making me hold my ground on weaning nursing at nap time. Despite the fact we've been over a week with only one nap (where she collapsed from exhaustion) because of the change. She wasn't angry at nap time... at least not after the extra extra prenap rocking and soothing... just not napping. So I've decided to slow the weaning thing down a little and nursed for this nap. And wouldn't you know it... she's actually napping. Which is a good break for both of us. Hey, maybe I do know something about this mommy stuff after all. I just need to remember to listen to myself.
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