How To Eat Pot Pie

(Shhh... Claire here... Don't tell mom I borrowed her computer.) Toddlers of the world I am here to warn you of one of the great parenting tricks, pot pie. It looks like steaming, flaky goodness but it is really a fraud. Parents use pot pie to hide things you don't like. They hope if you don't see it or if it's covered in warm gravy you just might eat it. However, despite these sneaky parents pot pie can still be a good meal. Here's how to have your pie and like it too! First, immediately eat off the flaky crust. It's the good stuff they are using to hide the bad stuff. If you save it till last it will just get soggy. Revel in eating each last bite while your tentative parents watch on praying you'll eventually get to the nutritious part they hid underneath. At this point careful dissection is required. Carefully sort through what was underneath. Every time you find a pea hold it up in the air and declare "PEA!" Then eat it with much enthusiasm. These are good! When done with a single pea chant "Pea Pea Pea" over and over while pointing at the pie pan. If you are really lucky a guilt ridden parent will fish a few more out for you. When you find a piece of carrot hold it up in the air with a look of complete disdain. These are evil. They may look good but they are not. Now glare at your parents while holding the carrot over the edge of your tray. If they do not get the hint and take it away immediately fling it on the floor and continue eating. For the first couple of carrots you may want to fling with out warning. That may teach them to leave out the carrots next time. Finally if you come to the meat you will have two options. If you are lucky there will be real hunks of meat. Enjoy those but don't comment on them. If your parents were "pressed for time" they may have gotten lazy and all you have is ground meat. In that case ignore it. They can do better. A couple meals without you eating any protein and they'll know it's time to up the quality. It's perfectly fine to leave it all on the plate. Just remember you have to fling the carrots. We will not tolerate evil!